Thursday, 10 July 2014

This month I have been mainly...drinking wine, killing ants and dieting. In the rain.

Another summer month down, another step closer to the horrors of autumn and all the viral illnesses that it brings.  Here's what's been going down this month:

1. Going to Britmums Live in London, where I drank the Lindemans stand dry, learnt lots of new blog tricks, none of which I have put into practice because I am lame, and met some fab women.  My new blogger mate, Tanya over at Muma Leary is fabulous.  Check out her blog - she's almost as crap as me and was my partner in wine drinking.  She's one of us.

2. Slaughtering ants.  Still.  STILL THEY COME.  I was moaning about this at work last week and all of my colleagues were bemoaning their ant related issues too.  Then one of them said: "Mind you, *name of town I live in* is well known for its ant problem."

Well, that's just brilliant, isn't it?  Obviously not well known enough to stop me from moving here.  When my husband got a new job 6 years ago, he made me relocate from a town that was well known for its outstanding beauty and being a lovely place to live to...somewhere that's famous for having an ant problem.  Ace.  Marital relations are rather frosty at the moment.

3. Refurbishing a chest of drawers.  ALL MONTH.  Lesson: If you look at an item of furniture in your house and think "ooh, that could do with a bit of a spruce up, I'll just give it a quick sand down and slap a bit of paint on it", do yourself a favour and don't bother.  You will lose an entire month of your life and several nails to sanding and picking paint off it, and it will still look a bit shit when you've finished.  Embrace Scandinavian style and go to Ikea.

4. Attending various school events.  I'm a proper parent now I've been to sports day and a summer fair in the rain.  The small one did me proud and came first in one of his races and second in the other two.  I can only assume that he's been on the old anabolic steroids, as he is not generally known for his sporting ability, and the one time I saw him do some gymnastics after he attended an ill advised extra curricular activity for 6 weeks, I thought I was going to rupture something from laughing.

5. Dieting.  Again.  Because I have all the impulse control of a toddler in a paddling pool filled with pick and mix.  And not the sort of toddler whose mum swears he only eats wholefoods and thinks raisins are sweets.  A normal toddler with a slack mother.  Sigh.  Wine is basically grapes, right?


  1. apple pie is part of the five a day isn't it?

  2. Pimms is the answer - with strawberry and cucumber: three of your five a day (cos pimms is flavoured with fruit... I think). That's what I'm going with anyway.


  4. Funny I was just looking at my bedroom furniture and thinking "must replace these sh*t Ikea chests of drawers (or maybe it's something to do with the shoddy way we put them together - prob too much grape juice flowing...) Love that your town is famous for it's ant problem. At least you don't have Katie Price next door (I'm guessing...)