Thursday, 16 May 2013

Wins and Fails

It's been a while since I did a wins and fails post so seeing as today was particularly conducive to one, here we go:

WIN: It's a sunny day; lets go to the farm.

FAIL: Still cannot interest child in anything that doesn't have wheels after nearly 4 long years of trying. Sorry goats, it's all about the tractors for us.

WIN: God, this is brilliant.  We should totally have some chickens in our garden.  And some goats.  And maybe a sheep.  Didn't Billy Kennedy off Neighbours have a sheep in his garden?  Am pretty certain he did as always payed v close attention to Neighbours when BK was on it due to his teen love God status.  There was definitely a sheep.  Will maybe also get a cat.  Will be just like a proper family.  Proper families have pets.

FAIL: Am highly allergic to cats.  Plus garden too small for sheep and goats and not convinced that John From Next Door would be entirely up for sheep and other livestock in the vicinity. Do not think he is great animal lover, what with his annual cull of the squirrels and suchlike.  Also, husband mortally afraid of chickens.

WIN: Reason number 472 for having an only child: playing races together on the Go-Karts at the farm and being free to speed around track like bat out of hell in attempt to beat him instead of having to rescue a smaller child from the jaws of danger every time it gets interesting.  Yes, I beat my 3 year old at go-karting.  Yes, I cheated by crashing into him then pedalling off.  No, I am not ashamed of my behaviour.  Go-karting absolutely brilliant.  Would be amazing to set aside large area to concrete over and make into go-kart track. Would keep Rory busy and also be excellent form of exercise for all.  Could go-kart all summer long.  Yes.

FAIL: Entire garden is size of small paddling pool.  In fact, entire ground floor of house is smaller than go-kart track.  Re-think.

WIN: Will you look at how goddamn awesome I am; buying all my food from the farm shop.  Look - am actively involving my preschooler in choosing the best fruit and veg, and we have free range meat in our basket and  freshly picked strawberries and newly laid eggs and stuff. Could I feel any more smug?

FAIL: Rory won't eat any of the salad we prepared with food from the farm shop.  He's not just being a stubborn little shit; it actually made him retch.  Mercy dash to Aldi to panic buy chicken nuggets and fake Penguin bars. ("Mummy, there is something wrong with my Penguin. It has got a otter on it. Now, that's not right." Even 3 year old not fooled by pretendy Aldi brands).

WIN: Is OK though, because I'm going to eat all the salad and fruit up myself.  In fact, I have lost a stone recently: A WHOLE STONE.  That's because I've been eating so healthily and exercising such a lot.  Am definitely one of those yummy mummies.

FAIL: At least 80% of said stone has come off of my breasts.  All FF bras rendered useless and husband going around with very woebegone expression on face.  This may be because he's recovering from the tummy bug he caught from Rory which gave him a free but very unpleasant colonic irrigation treatment, but lets face facts - it's really about the shrinking norks isn't it?

WIN: Little boy smelling of strawberries and sunshine snuggling up to me on the sofa and telling me he's had a lovely day and I'm his best friend.

FAIL:  No fail.  Delightful.  Who needs goats and chickens in the garden when you've got that?


  1. Otters are definitely not penguins...;)


  2. And I thought the Billy Kennedy thing was just me!! He did indeed have a lamb - Cassie (short for Casserole)!

    1. Definitely not just you. My friends and I were all in agreement that BK would get it (even though we were 17 and he was, in theory, far too young for such worldly women).

  3. I too confess my teenage crush for Billy Kennedy! How can you p p p pick up an otter? It's just wrong?!