Anyway, yes, Music and Movement was rubbish and I was overjoyed when I left primary school and never had to do it again.
Wait? Never? Not never as it happens. Because after my A-levels I went to drama school, which seemed like a good idea in theory. In practice, it actually meant three long years of more Music and Movement. With a hangover. "Be a tree, put your roots down and feel your branches swaaaay, bounce like a frog, swoop like an eagle..." Prance like a bell end? Oh, knob off.
Acting and I eventually parted company and I trained to be a primary school teacher. "You can be our School Sports Coordinator" said the head, "seeing as you, er, go the gym and stuff." Well, that sounds good. Only, do you know what School Sports Coordinators actually do? They go on courses to learn how to teach pissing Music and Movement, that's what. Twenty adults past their peak standing in a school hall wearing tracksuits and desperate for a fag being forced to perform forward rolls on a mat and scratch the floor like chickens. (Slight digression: They also have to go on Orienteering and Adventure Sports courses, during which I got my team lost because I couldn't read a map meant for eight year olds, then fell into a swamp which we were trying to cross on milk crates because a group of Year 11 boys heckled my breasts from the safety of the canteen window).
But now it's OK because writers don't have to do Music and Movement, and neither do parents if they avoid all the annoying, rainbow farting tots music classes and Rhymetime stuff. So why did I find myself 'creeping like a cheetah' and 'leaping like a hare' yesterday? Oh that's right, we got sent a Magic Moves Electric Wand to review.
It's a large plastic wand with flashing lights that your child (suggested ages: 3-7 years) can wave about whilst dancing. Not a sex toy, which is what it looks like, although if you're into humiliation and being told what to do by a bossy yet perky woman, go for your life. Pressing the buttons makes it issue commands such as "hop like a kangaroo" followed by a short piece of suitable music to dance to. It's supposed to develop listening skills, teach your child to move appropriately to different styles of music and keep them fit and healthy. Rory immediately liked it - anything with buttons to press that lights up and makes an unholy racket is going to be a hit with him. And I must admit that it does fit in excellently with the sort of activities that are done in early years education for these types of learning. There are 90 different prompts, which stops the activity from getting repetitive, and at random intervals, children are instructed to 'freeze' or 'dance', which Rory really liked. It is basically like a very small, light up PE teacher.
It definitely did what it was supposed to do (wore him out), although after a bit, he sat down on his chair and continued to press the button, leaving his father and I 'wriggling like worms' on the floor and looking at each other with that "WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING?" expression that you find yourselves frequently wearring as a parent. My main criticism is that the voice of the wand is American, so the listening bit goes straight out of the window as every command was followed by Rory shooting me a puzzled look and I had to translate for him. I do think he'll use it quite often though as he definitely found it fun. I didn't so much find it fun as found it a convenient way of getting my child knackered enough to sleep through for once. Yes, £14.95 worth of blissful slumber came my way last night. Thank you Learning Resources.
We were send a Magic Moves Electronic Wand in exchange for a review. I did not receive payment.