Time to purge my soul.
1. I sometimes wear my PE kit to drop Rory off at preschool on the pretence that I'm off for a run afterwards. This is not the case. It actually serves two purposes: 1. I don't have to wash my hair or put make-up on if I pretend I'm working out later. 2. It makes me look far less conspicuous when I sprint home as fast as I can in order to maximize my child free time at home.
2. Every time Mr Tumble mentions his spotty bag I pretend he's talking about his scrotum for my own amusement.
3. I found a used pull-up behind a curtain yesterday. It had almost definitely been there since before Christmas.
4. Speaking of which, I actually get jealous of the vast piles of presents my child gets at Christmas. Yes, well done Father Christmas, jolly good haul for the boy this year. Now where are all my presents, motherfucker?
5. Am also a bit jealous that Rory gets shoes bought for him every 4-6 months.
6. I used one of the three wise men from my knitted nativity scene to dust the fireplace last week.
7. There was no child friendly food left for Rory's packed lunch box on the first day back at preschool because I'd eaten all the Babybels.
8. I forgot to wash my son's hair for 2 full weeks. Well, not so much 'forgot to' as just...'didn't'.
9. I made an underwater Lego scene with whales and fish and things. I pretended it was for Rory's pleasure, but actually it was so my husband would think I was cool and fancy me more.
10. I had a Very Wrong Dream about Tom Jones last night. This has nothing to do with parenting or housewifery, I just wanted to put it out there.