Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Driving Woes

So, learning to drive is going excellently.  I have used italics there to denote sarcasm, just in case you weren't sure.  It's been five full months now and although my (very lovely, patient and all round wonderful) driving instructor keeps telling me how well I'm doing, we both know that that is not true.  I am a trained teacher.  I recognise the use of praise to encourage those with Special Educational Needs when I hear it.

A clue that things were not going so well was when I was banned from using the manual car on my second lesson after a near miss with the only pole in a large car park (metal pole, not someone of Polish origin).  Things have progressed in a happier and less remedial way since I've been in the automatic, but there are still a few issues, the main ones being that I have no idea which way is left and which way is right and that I am also a bit simple.  Examples ahead to prove my point:

Difficulty with left and right:

Driving instructor: "OK, go left."
Me: "Which left?"
Driving instructor: "LEFT"
Me: "Ummmmm...."
Driving instructor: "Oh, OK, right's fine too.  Now go straight on."
Me: "Which road is straight on?"

And so on.  The woman has the patience of a saint.

The most problematic issue caused by this is my tendency to mistake the accelerator pedal for the brake and vice versa.  She thinks I've only done this once (last lesson, when I very nearly crashed into a traffic light - the woman not only has the patience of a saint but balls of steel too), but actually I've done it several times with less dramatic consequences.  Every time I've taken a corner too fast?  Foot on wrong pedal.  Every time I've slowed down on a dual carriageway?  Wrong pedal.  Whoever invented cars should not have put them so close together in my opinion.

Being a bit simple:

Driving instructor:  "Excellent.  now, if you could just move out of the cycle lane..."
Me: "Am I in a cycle lane?"

Driving instructor: "Yes. Did you not see the cycle road marking?"

Well.  For a start I assumed that the lines that marked out the cycle lane were just there to show that you had a nice bit of extra room, should you be a bit of a rubbish driver.  Disappointing.  Secondly, I had noticed the picture of a cycle painted onto the road something like this:

But, umm, I had just assumed that those nice people at Cheshire County Council had just taken it upon themselves to jazz up the roads a bit by painting pictures of things that could be on them in a jaunty fashion, and maybe a bit further up the road there might be a picture of a lorry or a car or a motorbike or something. Yes.  I'm going to need at least another year of lessons and some very good car insurance I think.

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  1. Take heart,when I was learning to drive I couldn't tell my left from my right when someone said it to me but discovered,once driving by myself,that it was fine & that I did know left from right.Roundabouts on the other hand.....let's say we just don't go there? :)

  2. I can do roundabouts. I can do traffic lights. I cannot do roundabouts WITH traffic lights.

  3. I'm sure you'll get it eventually Lise! X

  4. Please post the day and time of your lessons and the registration of the car you learn ot drive in...so I can stay away from you!!!

  5. I drew the words Left and Right on my hands to pass my test - apparently that's fine! Still can't tell which is which, so I wouldn't worry about that lovely xxx

  6. I took so long my theory test expired and I had to do it again. Those smug people who pass first time are just too clever for their own good, taking a long time to pass just means you have more experience. That is what I tell people.