Tuesday, 6 December 2011

Labour Saving Device Saves My Marriage

I worship at the altar of our dishwasher.  I love the thing.  We've had it less than a year and I can honestly say that I don't know how we managed to avoid the divorce courts without it as our kitchen is of the tiny variety and you only have to heat up a Cup-a-Soup and make a slice of toast to make it look like a bomb's hit it.  Add to this the fact that I Don't Do Washing Up (I used to be a chef and had slaves to do that sort of thing for me) and you have a house full of furry coffee cups and seething resentment. That dishwasher saved my marriage.  When we finally reach the dizzy heights of owning tumble dryer we'll probably hit some form of marital utopian bliss.

I am a housework hating slacker, so any labour saving devices are welcome in my household, but the ultimate device has not yet been invented.  Until now.  I am still in the early stages of drafting this out, and if anyone can make me a prototype I would be pleased to work with you.  I expect these to be on the market by the end of next year, so be patient my friends.  Good things come to those who wait.

THE DOMESTIC DISGRACE-O-MAT 2011


Key features:


1. Folds up to convenient shape and size in order to slide easily into the tiny space in the cupboard under the stairs without dislodging the step ladder, barbecue gas cylinder, 6 footballs, 3 odd wellies,  the roll of wallpaper that you've been meaning to put up for 2 years, the Millenium Falcon and the box of conkers that are supposed to ward off spiders and causing the pushchair to concertina open like an unwieldy spring-loaded bastard every time you try and manoeuvre it in and out.


2. Has bodily fluid seeking technology, allowing you to locate a sneaky wee behind a curtain, a blob of baby sick under the sofa or a turd in your slipper immediately.


3. Toddler food tracking device.  Keeps track of whether fish fingers have been eaten or disposed of down the back in the radiator.  No more mystery household fishy smells.


4. Husband sensing technology.  Automatically turns the thermostat down half an hour before he arrives home.  Never argue about the heating bill again.


5. A bit that gets black mould off the rubber bath mat.


6. Writes "IT IS RECYCLING DAY SO REMEMBER TO PUT YOUR BINS OUT" in neon writing in the sky (much like a Death Eater dark mark) for the entire 24 hours before the bin men come.


7. Fascia board salesman alert klaxon.


8. Causes magic stain repellent forcefield to appear around walls and furniture whenever your child has been, for example, poking around in the coal scuttle.


9. 'Mother's Helper' feature - shouts several key phrases on a loop such as " GET DOWN FROM THE WINDOW SILL", "STOP LICKING THE PLUG SOCKETS" and "PLAYMOBIL MEN ARE NOT FOR STICKING UP YOUR BOTTOM" while you're otherwise engaged.


10. Gin dispensing tray with ice cubes.


What do you think?  I'm awaiting my call from Dragon's Den any day now.

23 comments:

  1. Ah if only... please keep me updated on this product development!
    I do have one cheap and easy idea to help with your list... an old bottle brush with some bleach rubbed in circles cleans the back of the bath mat brilliantly - even under those pesky sucker on things! No need to buy a new mat every few months; and sadly very satisfying!

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  2. I knew I could not be alone in my hatred of the black stuff on the back of the bathmat. A machine to remove this hateful scum would be wonderful, failing that I now know I can try bleach and an old bottle brush!

    Gin dispensing tray is most excellent idea too.

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  3. One of the first things we bought with our wedding money gifts was a dishwasher. Best thing I ever bought.
    My washer/drier died yesterday, we have a new one to put in but it's just a washing machine. I do feel a bit weepy at the thought of no more drier.

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  4. Gin dispenser should use Nexpresso type capsules with gin (or ny other poison). Tonic or any other mixer to be supplied from a 2 litre bottle screwed onto the device. Ice to be made from water in another 2 litre bottle screwed on beside it.

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  5. I'll happily test a prototype. I won't even charge you.

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  6. So it's not just me then. Must show this to the husband. Normal after all ;)
    Brilliant post!

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  7. Love it! I've always wanted a magic cleaning fairy in true Enid Blyton fashion. Perhaps you are the answer to my dreams.

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  8. Did you ever find out what a fascia board is?

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  9. thanks for being our Netmums blog of the week! We've got some fabulous comments for you on our blog and on our Netmums Facebook page too.

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  10. Still don't know what a bloody fascia board is - apart from being something that I am obviously neglecting and should be ashamed of (or so the amount of salesmen that find their way to my front door leads me to believe).

    Hello new readers BTW, especially those of you who have made your way over via netmums. Wonderful to see you. Come on in - the water's lovely.

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  11. Haha this has been the best thing I have read all day!
    If it could also include a bathroom cleaning device of some sort and an arm to get to get the balls/toys that always end up right behind the sofa that would be great! ;)

    I will do anything to avoid the housework, and would LOVE to have a dishwasher but our kitchen is such a pathetic size...put it this way I can close all 4 cupboards and draws all from the same spot! If there is another person in there I have to shoo them out just so I can open a door of an appliance...grr!

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  12. I'd add an automatic night hugger or cuddler for our almost-2-year-old son or a dummy which would resemble one of us to make him STOP SLEEPING WITH US!

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  13. And one more thing - snow remover and car defreezer to save my time and effort on winter mornings

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  14. You are hilarious! sorry but I absolutely laughed my arse off at "PLAYMOBIL MEN ARE NOT FOR STICKING UP YOUR BOTTOM" I have three boys and I could definitely with one of these inventions hehe. Thank you for the first LOL of 2012 :)

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  15. this is a must READ if you want to have your partner's love back. firstly, thanks to everyone commenting and also to the organizers of this site because this has helped my marriage, I can't believe my husband changed just as he promised, so i must testify too. I was having my troubles in my marriage and i was almost giving up because my partner had given up already and it looked like we were not meant to be because he hadly touches me or even talk to me. last week I saw a post on how a lady saved her marriage through the help of this great man from Africa and i decided to try him because it wouldn't take anything from as i was already facing the worst. to my greatest surprise the man said he was going to help and i thought maybe it will take a long time but within 48 hours after he finished his work my husband came home apologizing for the way he hurt me something he would never do normally even if it was obvious he was wrong. seriously i have nothing more to say other than thank you great man. if your marriage is failing or its a mess and you want to save it please don't give up this really works out here is the email i used to contact him drohimalspelltemple@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  16. I just want to keep you all informed about spell, because I'm simply amazed at the results of the spell performed for me. Everything is going so well and EXACTLY how he said it would. It took just three days to fully progress, it was so worth it because things are just about at perfection! How you took my situation and completely turned it around to give me exactly what I wanted is beyond me, but something I will never question and just be completely grateful for coming across you. Bless you for helping so many people save their marriage. You truly ARE gifted! Drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail.com

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  17. My Name is KPELELIO.I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her facebook and she changed her facebook status from married to Single...when i went to her to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..I lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he gonna help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to US the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday...My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew what she's doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my wife called and he said i haven't seen anything yet... he said i will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its Sunday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.you can mail him to otisdarko60@yahoo.com I cant give out his number cos he told me he don't want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he' will replied to any emails asap..hope he helped u out too..good luck: otisdarko60@yahoo.com. ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: otisdarko60@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  18. Attention:


    My Name is Jane Mercy, I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called Dr Otis Darko spell temple, on what he has just done for me , this man has just brought back my lost Ex husband with his great spell, I was married to this man called Mathew we were together for a long time and we love each other but when I was unable to give him a child after 2 years, he left me and told me he can’t continue anymore then I was now looking for ways to get him back until a friend of mine told me about this man. My friend gave his email to me and asked me to contact him but I didn't want to because I doubted at first but later reconsidered because it's so rear for a man to be as powerful like she said. So I contacted her through this email ( otisdarko60@yahoo.com ) You won’t believe this when I contacted this man and told him my problems he cast the spell and my ex came back begging on his knees and asking me to forgive him. Not only that after a month I miss my monthly flow, when I went to my doctor, he confirm that I am pregnant so I told myself that I will testify to the whole wide world about the wonders of the powerful man if I give birth successfully. I am so happy today because I am a mother of a bouncing baby girl, thank you once again the great Dr Shakes Spear for what you have done for me, if you are out there passing through any of the following situations :

    (1) If you want your ex-back.
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    ReplyDelete
  19. Midred Jackson Says

    Am giving this testimony cos am happy

    My name is Midred Jackson from Michigan I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in June 28th 2013 this year on a business summit. i ment a man called DR OTIS DARKO. He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him..at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to taxes, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address: otisdarko60@yahoo.com

    GREAT OTIS DARKO I thank you very much thank you in 1000000 times.. if not you I would have been losted and wasted thank you. Email Him Through his email address... otisdarko60@yahoo.com

    please make sure you contact him for any financial difficulties okay..

    What a powerful man such as DR OTIS DARKO.. he is so much powerful..\\ email him for any difficulties.. otisdarko60@yahoo.com................... YOU CAN ALSO ADD US UP ON WHATSAPP USING THIS MOBILE NUMBER:+2348077526136

    ReplyDelete
  20. Need a spell caster?then think of Dr Otis Darko he is real reliable and he does what he promise you.I know all this because he helped with my marriage problem.For security reason i will not live my name here but i can tell you all he did to help me.Me and my family live in the US military base here in America,my wife is a solider and i love it that she is and i support.But being a solider means she is half my wife and fully the U.S army.before her three tour we were so in love and we had a kid son who we both love him.It all changed after her two tour in Iraq and Afghanistan,i noticed the distance her second tour she stopped call at first i thought maybe she was part of an accident but i found out that she was OK in Afghanistan.She explained that she always on patrol.It got ugly on the third. I guess in the last two tours she found herself a new lover and then totally forgetting me and our boy.I can not say i did not notice because she always has to be some where instead of with me,coming up with some silly excuse not to be with me that is ( have sex ) and her entire behavior told me all i needed to know. i did my research and i had a hint that it was her squad lieutenant. I had know evidence so a could not take the matter to any body.It killed me to seeing this happen i was going suicidal.What hurt me the most was she going home knowing that i suspect she infidelity,she kept lying to me over and over again.The power of positive thinking helped me a lot.I thought that maybe i can find in the help on the internet with the people who had being in the same problem with him.I found a lot of ways but nor worked except Dr Otis Darko spell.At that time five month ago i was so confused that i could do anything to get my wife back so i contacted Dr Otis Darko with his email address i saw in some comment on the internet at otisdarko60@yahoo.com. I laid down my problem to him and told him the entire story and he even confirmed my hint was right, how he did i do not know but he was right because my wife told me later after the spell was made effective. Dr Otis Darko cast a spell on them both do not know what he did but it seem he made them both forget they ever crossed path romantically speaking like they never know each other expect there official relationship that is squad leader and solider.I owe my life to DR OTIS DARKO what he did saved my marriage.I can tell you this because i have tried and it worked for me.Your case also have a solution with Dr Otis Darko contact him with his email otisdarko60@yahoo.com.................... YOU CAN ALSO ADD US UP ON WHATSAPP USING THIS MOBILE NUMBER:+2348077526136

    ReplyDelete
  21. My Name is AZIBA OLUBOISE. I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster when i contact this man called otisdarko60@yahoo.com Execute some business..He is really powerful..My wife divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have her back cos i really love her so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and she woke up one morning and she told me she’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when she came back from work she tender to me a divorce letter and she packed all her loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have her back but all did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years…So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for her full name and her picture..i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos have tried so many spell casters and there is no solution…so when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that she’s with a man and that man is the reason why she left me…The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring her back.but i never believe all this…he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,she called me herself and came to me apologizing I NEVER BELIEVED IN LOVE SPELLS UNTIL I MET THIS WORLD'S TOP SPELL CASTER. HE IS REALLY POWERFUL AND COULD HELP CAST SPELLS TO BRING BACK ONE'S GONE,LOST,MISBEHAVING LOVER AND MAGIC MONEY SPELL OR SPELL FOR A GOOD JOB.I'M NOW HAPPY & A LIVING TESTIMONY COS THE WOMAN I HAD WANTED TO MARRY LEFT ME 2 WEEKS BEFORE OUR WEDDING AND MY LIFE WAS UPSIDE DOWN COS OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ON FOR 2YEARS... I REALLY LOVED HIM, BUT HIS MOTHER WAS AGAINST US AND HE HAD NO GOOD PAYING JOB. SO WHEN I MET THIS SPELL CASTER, I TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED AND EXPLAINED THE SITUATION OF THINGS TO HIM..AT FIRST I WAS UNDECIDED,SKEPTICAL AND DOUBTFUL, BUT I JUST GAVE IT A TRY. AND IN 7 DAYS WHEN I RETURNED TO USA, MY GIRLFRIEND(NOW WIFE) CALLED ME BY HERSELF AND CAME TO ME APOLOGIZING THAT EVERYTHING HAD BEEN SETTLED WITH HIS MOM AND FAMILY AND SHE GOT A NEW JOB INTERVIEW SO WE SHOULD GET MARRIED..I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT COS THE SPELL CASTER ONLY ASKED FOR MY NAME AND MY GIRLFRIENDS NAME AND ALL I WANTED HIM TO DO... WELL WE ARE HAPPILY MARRIED NOW AND WE ARE EXPECTING OUR LITTLE KID,AND MY WIFE ALSO GOT THE NEW JOB AND OUR LIVES BECAME MUCH BETTER. IN CASE ANYONE NEEDS THE SPELL CASTER FOR SOME HELP, HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS; otisdarko60@yahoo.com ......HOPE HE HELPS YOU OUT OUR OPPORTUNITY ... CONTACT THIS GREAT SPELL CASTER VIA EMAIL: otisdarko60@yahoo.com.

    ReplyDelete
  22. My Name is AZIBA OLUBOISE. I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster when i contact this man called otisdarko60@yahoo.com Execute some business..He is really powerful..My wife divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have her back cos i really love her so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and she woke up one morning and she told me she’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when she came back from work she tender to me a divorce letter and she packed all her loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have her back but all did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years…So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for her full name and her picture..i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos have tried so many spell casters and there is no solution…so when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that she’s with a man and that man is the reason why she left me…The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring her back.but i never believe all this…he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,she called me herself and came to me apologizing I NEVER BELIEVED IN LOVE SPELLS UNTIL I MET THIS WORLD'S TOP SPELL CASTER. HE IS REALLY POWERFUL AND COULD HELP CAST SPELLS TO BRING BACK ONE'S GONE,LOST,MISBEHAVING LOVER AND MAGIC MONEY SPELL OR SPELL FOR A GOOD JOB.I'M NOW HAPPY & A LIVING TESTIMONY COS THE WOMAN I HAD WANTED TO MARRY LEFT ME 2 WEEKS BEFORE OUR WEDDING AND MY LIFE WAS UPSIDE DOWN COS OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ON FOR 2YEARS... I REALLY LOVED HIM, BUT HIS MOTHER WAS AGAINST US AND HE HAD NO GOOD PAYING JOB. SO WHEN I MET THIS SPELL CASTER, I TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED AND EXPLAINED THE SITUATION OF THINGS TO HIM..AT FIRST I WAS UNDECIDED,SKEPTICAL AND DOUBTFUL, BUT I JUST GAVE IT A TRY. AND IN 7 DAYS WHEN I RETURNED TO USA, MY GIRLFRIEND(NOW WIFE) CALLED ME BY HERSELF AND CAME TO ME APOLOGIZING THAT EVERYTHING HAD BEEN SETTLED WITH HIS MOM AND FAMILY AND SHE GOT A NEW JOB INTERVIEW SO WE SHOULD GET MARRIED..I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT COS THE SPELL CASTER ONLY ASKED FOR MY NAME AND MY GIRLFRIENDS NAME AND ALL I WANTED HIM TO DO... WELL WE ARE HAPPILY MARRIED NOW AND WE ARE EXPECTING OUR LITTLE KID,AND MY WIFE ALSO GOT THE NEW JOB AND OUR LIVES BECAME MUCH BETTER. IN CASE ANYONE NEEDS THE SPELL CASTER FOR SOME HELP, HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS; otisdarko60@yahoo.com ......HOPE HE HELPS YOU OUT OUR OPPORTUNITY ... CONTACT THIS GREAT SPELL CASTER VIA EMAIL: otisdarko60@yahoo.com.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Attention To The Everyone,

    My wife has been suffering from thyroid cancer which was confirmed to be stage four, the doctor told me there was little he could do since she wasn’t responding to treatment but a friend of mine came to our rescue by ordering this cannabis oil from Shakes Spear which he said has been helping some patient fight against cancer of various types so we decided to give it a chance, so far my wife is improving perfectly very well and presently she can walk around the house all by herself. I felt its necessary i let others who are suffering from this acute disease that once you have a good cannabis oil it can really give one a sound second chance of living by chance if you happen to be in need of this cannabis oil you can contact Dr Otis Darko who supplied I and my wife with this email: otisdarko60@yahoo.com


    HE FIX THE FOLLOWING PROBLEMS TO ALL

    ACROSS THE GLOBE ON:

    1. Getting your lover or husband back

    2. Spiritual bulletproof

    3. Training

    4. Money spell

    5. Long life spell

    6. Prosperity spell

    7. Protection spell

    8. Get a job spell

    9. Becoming a manager spell

    10. Get a huge loan without paying any fee spell

    11. Getting your scam money back

    12. Child spell

    13. Pregnancy spell

    14. Freedom spell

    15. Love spell

    16, vanishing spell

    17. Invisible human spell

    18. Success or pass spell

    19. Marriage spell

    20. Avenging spell

    21. Popularity spell

    22. Killing spell

    23. Cancer spell

    24. Supernatural power spell

    25. Madness spell

    26. Free house loan spell

    27. Production spell of films and movie

    28. Hiv/aids spell

    29. Tuberculosis spell

    30. Loose weight and body spell



    contact me of any of these problem as I got solution to all... MY EMAIL ADDRESS IS: otisdarko60@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete