Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Should Toilet Humour Be Tolerated?

NO, says this internet source.  Wow.  Of all the internet pages that have ever made me feel like a bad mother (we're into tens of thousands by now), that one is the worst.  Thank you, Rachel Arguelles, head teacher at the Greenhills Learning Center in San Juan for showing me the error of my ways.  I am obviously raising a violent, aggressive meathead.


Lavatorial humour has recently made an early and unwelcome appearance in the Disgrace household.  Bums are deemed hilarious.  Pants even more so.  Any form of bodily fluid practically gets a standing ovation from my son.  This worries me.  He's only two and a half.  If he's cracking poo jokes now, what's he going to be sniggering about in the playground once he starts school?  Fisting?


It's already turning heads (and not in a good way).  On a recent bus journey, I was the proud parent of a delightful little boy who chattered constantly the whole way home, giving an intelligent running commentary on everything he could see out of the window and making full and impressive use of his excellent vocabulary.  two old ladies a couple of seats in front of us kept turning round to look at the angelic child prodigy and were cooing to each other about how lovely he was and how well behaved and how good his language was.  God, I felt smug.


Sensing that Mummy was relaxing into the acceptance that she might actually be a fairly good parent, Rory launched into a recitation of Incy Wincy Spider in a nice clear voice so all the passengers could hear:


"Incy Wincy Spider climbed up water spout
Down came rain and washed spider out.
Out came sun and dried up all rain
And Incy Wincy Spider climbed up Rory's pants.  And I did a trump on him.  And he died."


I know how Incy Wincy Spider felt.  The pensioners were then treated to renditions of "Old MacDonald had a poo" and "The Grand Old Duke of York" (who, allegedly, had ten thousand poos).  The bus stop couldn't come fast enough.


I instantly blamed his father.  He always made a comedy drama out of doing nappy changes, which is probably why Rory finds bodily functions so hilarious.  Because of this, I felt vindicated when they returned home after going out for a walk the other day, Richard looking like he wanted to throttle our son because he'd spent the last 10 minutes shouting "OUT OF THE WAY. My Daddy keeps trumping. He needs to get home and sit on the toilet."  Ha.


But I was forced to confess after hearing him put on what he calls "Mummy's posh voice" and call someone "an insufferable B-A-S-T..." (fortunately his recollection of the word I had spelled out came to a halt at that point because I am 100% sure that it ended in "A-R-D") that although I may not be responsible for bringing toilet humour into Rory's life, I need to keep a tight rein on myself.  Master of inappropriate humour, the over-share and the very silly, I am going to have to keep a lid on the knob jokes from now on. Not to mention the silliness: A couple of days ago, Rory was running at full pelt down the street away from me and looking as though he was going to continue across the road, into the path of oncoming traffic.


"STOP!" I shouted.
"HAMMER TIME!" replied my son, before launching into MC Hammer's scuttling crab dance.


Between us both, we've created a monster:  A silly, poo obsessed, articulate monster.  Maybe we should embrace it.  Maybe we should all take a trip to Greenhills Learning Center in San Juan and crap on Rachel Arguelles' doorstep.










Linking up with Actually Mummy for Wot So Funee?

15 comments:

  1. Pippa serenaded the entire school run with the Pooh Song last week. To the tune of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star":

    Poo Poo, Poo Poo, Poo Poo Poo,
    Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo.
    Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo;
    Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo;
    Poo Poo, Poo Poo, Poo Poo Poo,
    Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo.

    It's best sung AT FULL VOLUME so that everyone in a half-mile radius can hear.

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  2. Might I suggest the following link for your son?
    No, it's fine honest - no need to have a look at it first.......
    http://www.weebls-stuff.com/songs/The+Poo+and+Wee+Song/

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  3. Aaaaand that's going to keep me awake going round and round in my head all night. Thanks for that Precious Digit.

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  4. Who is this Rachel woman? Bottoms and poo-poo to the humourless old cow. Toilet humour is childish, and these are children. Poo and fart jokes are their domain, their very birthright.

    I nearly died at 'Stop! Hammertime!' though. Brilliant.

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  5. love it! I have an almost three year old girl that is totally obsessed with farts! Poo, not so much, but she will spend her entire bath using her rubber ducks to make farting noises on her belly and laugh hysterically.

    God forbid anyone farts in public.. she will call them out, and laugh!

    And I agree.. the "Stop! Hammertime" is the best. ever.

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  6. Now that is all ROFL hilarious! I used to frown at mums of boys for not curbing the toilet humour. Now I am one of them I am ashamed of myself! Rory is fuuuunnnneeee! Looking forward to seeing more of him on Wot So Funee? :))

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  7. Omg! That made me laugh out loud! Bless him, personally I much prefer his version of Incy Wincy!! It is natural for children to go through this toilet obsessed phase, especially boys! Brilliant!

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  8. I've had to sit on the toilet I'm laughing so much... *fisting* ..........WAHAHAHAHAHAH!! oh, and i would have loved to have been on that bus. I would have joined in! x

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  9. Just opened the front door to see if the postman had been. My son appeared behind me in a swift stealth move, trousers off, and shouted "Look at my bum-bum everybody!" Hurrah, back to avoiding the neighbours again.

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  10. I have had the giggles all morning at 'Stop! Hammertime!' Seriously, I will be doing hoovering (badly to be honest!) then bursting out laughing 'hehehehe hammertime!' You have got a comedy genius there!
    When my friends little boy was about 5 we were in York not long after the river flooded. We went to the river bank to see what the flood had done. There was a horrible smell from it and we were talking about it, Ryan said at the top of his voice 'YES! It smells like POO!'

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  11. Ethan keeps shouting out in public at the moment that he has a purple dinkle. And you know he somehow picked up the word vagazzle.. And I honestly don't know where he got that!!

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  12. You had me at fisting Lise, you had me at fisting.

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  13. "STOP!" I shouted.
    "HAMMER TIME!" replied my son, before launching into MC Hammer's scuttling crab dance.

    This post made my day, I have shared with the virtual universe. Please never stop writing. I hate "Mommy Bloggers". They're generally either Goop-esque mung bean eating wholefoods worshipping asshats or Goop-esque mung bean eating wholefoods worshipping asshats in denial. You know the latter... 'REAL' mommies who have nannies, take breast feeding classes and review organic biodegradable breast pumps that flavor the milk with the essence of smug and call their children Petra or Skylar. YOU on the other hand are an honest to goodness PERSON and I thank you so much for reminding Moms that it's OK to just love your child and struggle through the day. Moms have enough to worry about without feeling inferior to the Knit-Your-Own-Museli set. Thank. YOU!

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  14. Can I high five you please Natalie? And thank you. xx

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